Things You Should Know
Evaluations Of Brooklyn

 Evaluations of Shtuff

7/8/2008    Some songs on the new Death Cab For Cutie album "Narrow Stairs" sound like Sunny Day Real Estate, and vocalist Jeremy Enigk.

              Brooklyn and New York City host many impressive free concerts every summer.  Evaluation: Prospect Park Bandshell and Central Park SummerStage.

7/16/07    Adam Levine (lead singer of Maroon 5) has a long headEvaluation: He looks like the human version of Gumby.

2/22/2007    Christie Brinkley and Jack Nicholson have a similar smile.  Evaluation: The Joker from Batman.

10/19/06    Veteran supermodel Heidi Klum is married to singer Seal.  As if that wasn't weird enough, the name of their first child is Henry Gunther Ademola Dashtu Samuel.  Evaluation: Another bizarre marriage is that of Derrick Whibley (Sum 41) and Avril Lavigne.

10/19/06    Once upon a time MTV was a pretty cool channel: tons of music videos and a variety of music programming.  But nowadays MTV's programming is almost entirely reality tv garbage.  Evaluation: You can watch MTV for hours without any reference to music whatsoever; "Mindless Television" is a more appropriate definition.

6/30/06    The standard earphones that come with an iPod are worthless.  They sound fine but they don't fit well, nor do they stay in place.  iPods are definitely awesome, but the earphones need a major makeover.  Evaluation:  "Designed in California, assembled in China."

6/8/06    Tonight I watched someone eat a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream with half a banana sliced on it, and ginger ale poured on top of it.  Evaluation:  Yurgg.

5/9/06      If you are a fan of DUB music, or if you're curious as to what Dub music is -- check out Black Uhuru's album "The Dub Factor".
Fun and original dub reggae that would please any music fan.
  Evaluation:  I read a small online article today entitled "Dr. Israel's Perscription for an Ailing Reggae Collection"; The Dub Factor is one of the ten albums the Dr. recommends to cure the sickness.
Evaluation of evaluation: Yes, I am aware that the word prescription is misspelled.

3/27/06     "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" is an outrageously hilarious cartoon show.  Evaluation: When "Shake" raises his voice he sounds like Woody Allen.  This show is laugh out loud funny -- watch it!

2/12/06     Shaun White just won the gold medal in snowboarding halfpipe at the Olympic winter games.  He is only 19 years old.
Evaluation: proudly salutes The Flying Tomato.

01/31/06    Weezer's song "Beverly Hills" has received a Grammy nomination for Best Rock Song.  It's their first-ever Grammy nomination.  Evaluation: This song is really dumb and unworthy of an award.  Putting Hugh Hefner and some playmates in your music video does not make the song any better.

01/29/06    The crystal of truth is often overshadowed by dark clouds.  Evaluation: Watch Jim Henson's film "The Dark Crystal".

01/12/2006    Nothing lasts forever... except for Styrofoam.  Evaluation: Boycott any and all Styrofoam products!  Once it is thrown in the trash, Styrofoam takes thousands of years to break down.  The earth is already being rapidly destroyed by the human race; at the very least we could stop using this horrible un-environmentally friendly product.

12/11/05    If Monday's were a food in the school cafeteria, they would be called grundle sandwiches.  Evaluation: Yuck!

11/14/05     "Fish and Grits" for breakfast is bizarre and smelly.  Evaluation: Apparently it's a southern thing.

10/30/05     Recently, I have seen deer in my suburban neighborhood every single night.  Evaluation: Deer are the new squirrel.  Adios acorns, hello salt blocks.

10/23/05     After 3 successful full-length albums, Thrice's new release "Vheissu" is a disappointment.  Evaluation: They should have named their band "Fifth", in hopes of a longer streak of good music.

9/30/05       People from upstate New York love ginger ale.  Evaluation: Tis quite refreshing.

9/17/05       Sleep is a friend you can always count on.  Evaluation: La cama es muy bien.

9/6/05         Sunshine and punk rock help make the work day go by a little easier.  Evaluation: All work and no play makes Clarisse a dull girl.

8/27/05       The truth hurts sometimes.  Evaluation: The letters needed to spell "hurt" can be found in the word "truth".  There is a reason for this.

8/15/03       A 'Milky Way' is identical to a 'Three Musketeers', with the addition of caramel.  Evaluation: Chocolate rules everything around me.

               The first 4 songs on U2's "Joshua Tree" are amazing, but the rest of the album is weak.  Evaluation: Check out "Achtung Baby", a perfect U2 album from start to finish.

8/3/05        Accordion samples in hip-hop songs are fresh.  They sound like a combination of a violin and a synthesizer.  Evaluation: Aesop Rock.

               Sometimes bad things happen to good people.  Evaluation: The Don of Dubiousity has dealt with some serious shaiiz lately.  Adios Jeep - you needed a serious interior cleaning anyway. 

7/26/05     According to the USDA, 75% of children do not eat enough fruits and vegetables.  Evaluation: Get with it kids! 

Artichokes.. Fartichokes.... Drink Dirt Lamb !  EvaluationJimmy Kimmel is one of the main writers behind the Andy Milonakis show.

7/25/05      Pastor Robert Tilton (as seen on tv) has an endless amount of infomercials, many feature his wife performing an inspirational song.  Evaluation: This woman is a below average karaoke singer in need of some serious vocal coaching and spiritual guidance.

7/21/05      The band Thrice has a myspace page that has been viewed 451,035 times and counting.  Evaluation: Identity Crisis.

              "Through The Wire" was my first exposure to Kanye West's skills, I was not impressed.  Evaluation: He is an amazing producer and beat/music maker.  Listen to Common's "Be", or John Legend, or Talib Kweli. 

7/20/05      It is getting near the end of July, and thus far I have seen almost 1 months' worth of music in 2005.  Evaluation: I should've seen 2 months' worth.

7/17/05      Who is Mike Jones?  Evaluation: A really crappy rapper.

7/14/05      The graffiti career of BORF has come to a close.  His images and messages were dope.  Evaluation: Democratize Graffiti.

7/5/05        Sativa sabbatical boosts the ability to recollect one's dreams.  Evaluation: Insane and confusing events of the subconscious.  

6/24/05      Dennis Chambers is one of the sickest drummers ever.  Evaluation: He lives in Baltimore.  Wowza!

6/23/05      Who is that weird blanco grandma in the boost mobile tv ad with Ludacris?  Evaluation: Luda is adopted.

6/15/05      Tonight I pulled out my car keys and subconsciously tried to unlock my house's front door by pushing the keyless entry unlock button.  Evaluation: Technology will ultimately end our existence. 

6/12/05      Kraft dressing is depressing.  Evaluation: Where is my Hidden Valley ranch t-shirt?

6/5/05        Caffeine is not the only way to wake up in the morning.  Evaluation: Eat 2 handfuls of wasabi peas.

6/2/05         Bob Marley listens to Midnite.  Evaluation: The best reggae show I will see all summer.

5/29/05      Kyle Squarewell has been spreading the HI-YA theology big massive.  Evaluation: Shin-Ya ta katsu to you agent Square.

5/23/05    Third Eye Blind's debut, self-titled album is ridiculously melancholy, emotional, and awesome.  Evaluation: My mind races through the endless maze of memories of you.

5/22/05     Moby is a vegan.  Evaluation: Tea leaves and rogaine.

5/21/05    Willow's real name is Warwick Davis.  Evaluation: He played "Wicket" the Ewok in one of the classic Star Wars films.

5/9/05      As long as art and music continue to be created, the machines will not be able to completely destroy the human race.  Evaluation: Shaiizah.

5/6/05       Armor For Sleep's new album is soaked with pop hooks and love songs.  Evaluation: Their singer's voice on this album sounds very similar to Bert's, vocalist of The Used.

4/28/05     You can't make peanuts on a celery's salary.  Evaluation: "Vietnow" is an ill Rage Against The Machine song.

4/14/05    Only children are taking over the world as we speak.  Evaluation: Watch out.

4/7/05        Paz Vega is a more beautiful version of Penelope Cruz; with a splash of height and a needed dash of curves.  Evaluation: Adam Sandler is the Spanglish chef.

4/6/05      I never thought that a comedy about drinking wine could actually be worth watching.  Evaluation: See the movie SIDEWAYS.  It stars the multi-faceted and crazy Paul Giamatti, alongside the burn out, bumpkin, mechanic guy from the tv show "Wings".  Truly entertaining.

4/1/05        If you are a Salma Hayek fan, you need to see "Frida".  Evaluation: PantsOn.

              Ashlee Simpson is cooler than her sister.  Evaluation: They are both captivatingly bizarre.

              311 is the ill shaiizah.  Evaluation: Strong All Along.

3/19/05     Coheed and Cambria's debut album "Second Stage Turbine Blade" deserves your listening.  Evaluation: Their more recent sophomore release is a crummy pop album. 

3/15/05        Winona Ryder and Keira Knightley are twin sisters who were separated at birth.  Evaluation: King Arthur.

2/28/05       Ignorance is bliss.  Evaluation: Being ignored is not.

2/25/05      Rene Russo and Drew Barrymore have noticeably similar facial features.  Evaluation: Get shorty.

2/22/05       Although adorable, Ashlee Simpson looks too much like her Dad.  Evaluation: Television is not the real world.

2/19/05       Tre Cool running laps around his drum set in a recent Green Day video is nothing new.  Evaluation: Weezer's drummer pioneered this move in the classic music video for "Sweater Song".

2/8/05         Black Twizzlers are like pasta without any sauce... not good.  Evaluation: Stick to strawberry.

2/1/05        Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle is worthless for the first hour and then it gets funnier.  Evaluation: Kumar finds a wonderful soul mate named Mrs. Dank.

1/25/05      Mtv "Cribs" exploration through Chris Pontius' house is outrageous.  Evaluation: Bathrooms don't need carpeting.  Take note John Bauscher (lousy landlord). 

1/23/05      Eagle Scouts enjoy bean sprouts.

1/22/05        Britney Spears trusts George Dubya.  Evaluation: Oops.

1/17/05        "Poopastank" is a more fitting name for the band Hoobastank.  Evaluation: They are a horrible band.

                    Kraft salad dressing is not good.  

                    WD-40 helps haunted doors return to the realm of the living.

                    Like its cousin the Koala, the Panda bear is a member of the vegetarian family. 

1/14/05        If Uma Thurman was crossed with Princess Buttercup, that would be an amazing woman.

1/11/05      The only good thing about Good Charlotte is that they dress up as vegetables in their music video "I Just Wanna Live". 

1/11/05      In the movie "Garden State" when Natalie Portman is burying her deceased hamster Jelly, she cries because she learns that her new friend's mother has just passed away.  For the few seconds that she is crying her mouth and facial expressions are just like that of when she was much younger in the superb film "The Professional", when her little brother is killed and then when she says the final goodbye to Leon.  Have some more milk Leon, you cleaner.  Evaluation: Natalie Portman has never looked very similar to when she was younger (and cuter). 

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